I was out shopping today grabbing a few items and noticed the aisle of Halloween supplies, decorations, what you didn’t know you needed in your life to celebrate this holiday all glaring at me. As I strolled down the aisle of horror, it got me to thinking about fears. Then that got me to thinking about fears focused specifically on loosing weight, the causes – the root to it all. What makes for a fear when it comes to loosing weight and how do those fears show up and affect the process? Well, each one serves a different purpose, highlighting an area of personal struggle and a need for growth and change in that area.
For me there are two main fears that helped me carry and encourage the weight along. Although I am at a different point in my health and weight loss journey where these fears no longer serve me or control me for that matter, they were a part of the process that I had to acknowledge in order to shift to a new me and a new set of standards for living for MY best ME. These were legit fears that provided me the justification of caring the weight around.
Fear #1: Unwanted attention will rear it’s ugly head.
When talking about fears we have to take a step back and figure out the why we are on this journey. The why of what the weight represents that you just don’t want to have to deal with, the what we are avoiding! For me the main reason that I allowed myself to put the weight on was a shield from unwanted male attention. I thought that by putting my shield of weight on that it would make it all stop. Well, I did that and when I say it was no shield, just a magnet for attracting other issues, locking on for a ride.
This is a hard fear to overcome when it comes to the unwanted attention of other people. I have been able to shift my views on not allowing the words of other people to keep me from embracing my womaness. Yes I know that it is ridiculously hard to not feel some days overwhelmingly beat down by the unwanted comments and attention of others. But here’s the thing, NEVER sacrifice your own physical happiness it will never be worth it and it directly affects your mental happiness too.
Yes the shield provides a sense of comfort but it causes more harm than it does good in the long run. The harm being the extra weight that you are carrying around that causes physical harm to your body, your joints, bones and muscles. That very shield that we are allowing to protect us also does that, keeps out all things both good and not so good, but with that it can keep out the goodness that we need to let in too.
The one thing that I have learned is that you can’t control other people you can only control yourself. Yes some humans are simply a** holes and think they can say, touch, shame, or guilt you in sexual ways. Remember that you are not at fault for their lack of respect for another human being.
I know how hard it is to process through these emotions and will not attempt to say that it is easy to get over. What I have learned is that I control only me, and you have to be realistic with how people are that you wish or want to be different. If I know that going to certain places will make me uncomfortable I avoid them. What is the point of putting myself in a position like that? Yes it may be seemingly inconvenient to avoid places, but the alternative is not something that I am willing to chance. I love myself far too much for avoidable hardship that may dull my ability to sparkle.
What is important here is that you show up in this world as your best self. Not a self that has allowed a shield to be built, all be it as a means of protection, but at what cost to your authentic YOUNESS? By living as your best self you tap into that light that only we can shine that may help others during periods of darkness to realize that they are not alone in this fight for living life. I face this fear head on by remembering that I deserve only happiness, love and peace in my life, and determined to show up in this world as my best self fighting like hell to do just that.
Fear #2: I won’t be able to eat what I want to
This is one of the main reasons why people all over the world carry extra weight around! You see we have to look at food as not a means of comfort, because when it enters into that realm it becomes a extremely toxic and an unhealthy relationship. When we allow ourselves to latch on to things that are not healthy for our bodies, we have entered the danger zone of addiction by means of food.
Food addiction as a means of coping can be a hard addiction to overcome for some. It is complex by nature starting with the simple fact that we need food, we have to eat in order to survive and learning to have the self control can be challenging. For me personally I had to take a step back and look at it as not being kind to myself. I was being extremely cruel, abusive and mean to myself through the foods that I was allowing myself to eat. Foods that tasted good but caused internal inflammation, strained my heart, stretched my skin revealing tears in the skin a.k.a. stretch marks, added pressure to my joints, achyness and pain, with the reflection in the mirror causing at times debilitating mental suffering.
I had allowed my own self to be abusive in a similar manner that I was attempting to protect myself from to begin with! When you don’t even require your own self to respect YOURSELF you can’t expect others to do the same. We are the ones that create the instruction and care manual, that is reflected in how we treat ourselves. When I finally realized this and forgave myself for the mistreatment of my own self, only then was I able to change my instruction and care manual. I rewrote the manual from a loving place that set new requirements that have changed the food that I eat to be kind and loving to my body in how it is grown and harvested and prepared.
So you see I can eat whatever I want because I have set a new requirement for how I eat and if it does not align with that then it does not get eaten! The same can be true for you and it starts by looking at beyond the simple act of eating. Towards a bigger picture vision of how it affects you after you eat it and your body processes it for what it needs to thrive and not just survive. You become what you feed yourself, so be aware of the quality and standard that it falls into or is.
There you have my two fears that I had allowed to keep me in a position of being overweight and beyond unhappy physically and emotionally. With all the fear that I allowed to keep me or carried with me as one point in my journey, I can honestly say that they just do not scare me enough to keep from being happy. I deserve nothing but love and goodness and it starts by requiring those very same things of myself that I also require of others. Remember this, that all fears do is keep us from being our best selves!
Much Love, Nic
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